Reasons
by Prinsass 1
Summary: Kono's diary of reasons explaining how people have hurt her and how she is eventually saved.
1. Chapter 1

**Speech in italics is in the past, the rest is Kono's notes on her memories, at the moment it is all Kono looking in the past of how these people have hurt her. I hope it's clear enough to read I think if I write any in present day I will give it a heading but that will probably only be the last chapter. It is diary entries.**

 **Reasons**

 **Chapter one- Ben Bass**

I always thought we would be together forever. We were high school sweethearts as cliche as that sounds. Your mum used to talk to my mum in the playground of lower school. We would play at the beach and stuff our faces with ice cream and then we grew up. We didn't talk as much, we had new friends but then you joined my surf team. I remember the smile on your face when you saw me, and butterflies filled my stomach. You were cute, your hair had grown out and your skin tanned. You hugged me like we had never grown apart. We were fourteen, we were kids still but there was something there. You were my best friend Ben, the peanut butter to my jelly…everyone told us were looked good together, they would joke and say were were more than just friends and we would laugh it off. We remained friends for two years until we were sixteen. One night at the beach you kissed me on the cheek and we looked into each others eyes, hearts beating and then we kissed, on the lips for at least ten seconds. You were my first kiss and it was amazing. We went on dates to the movies or the local cafe, one of our mums would pick us up and we would sit in the back of the car, our fingers gently touching so our mums didn't see. You would kiss me on the cheek goodbye and leave until the next time we hung out. It was sweet and innocent and it worked but then I had my accident and I was suddenly no longer good enough for you.

I lay in the hospital bed, eyes bleary and cheeks blotchy. I had just had my knee operation two days after the accident. The words being said around me didn't even register. The moment the doctor told me I may never surf again I had blocked everything else out, nothing mattered anymore. I felt empty and numb. My knee throbbed. I remember my mum brushing my hair out my eyes trying to comfort me with words of encouragement, telling me she was proud but it didn't matter. I couldn't look at my mum. I was embarrassed, my mum had taught me everything there was to know about the surf and the water. I blinked back tears as the door opened.

You stood there Ben, stood in that doorway your mouth a gape as you just stared. My mum left us alone, she was mad that you left it so long to come see me…I wasn't mad, I was disappointed. You know one thing i've learnt over the last few months is disappointment is a much worse feeling than anger. Anger you get over, disappointment stay with you because you've let someone down. But you didn't seem to care. You walked over to me, hands in your pockets. Your hair was damp and I could smell the salt of the sea.

 _"_ _You've been surfing" Kono stated_

 _"_ _Hmm yeah"_

 _"_ _Right"_

 _"_ _What Kono?"_

 _"_ _I've been in hospital for the last three days and you haven't been to see me once, not even a text and then you show up wet from the surf even though you know my surfing career is over" Kono snapped._

 _"_ _You didn't expect me to give up on my career just because your is over did you?"_

 _"_ _Why are you acting like this?"_

 _"_ _Kono there was nothing I could do, I cant click my fingers and fix you" Ben argued._

 _"_ _I didn't need you to fix things, I needed you to be there for me…I'm your girlfriend"_

I remember your blank stare and the sound of you gulping, your Adam's apple bobbing. You were feeling guilty. I wanted you to hug me and kiss me and try to make me feel better even though it wouldn't work. But you didn't.

 _"_ _I'm sorry Kono"_

I didn't want to admit it but I knew you weren't saying sorry for abandoning me when I needed you, I knew we were over, I knew that it was a break up but it was to hard to accept it. You put that on me Ben, you kicked me when I was down and trampled on me until I was nothing. I cried so hard, I sobbed into that hospital pillow so much it was soaked through, I hiccuped and cried and prayed it was all a nightmare. I screamed in anger, my voice breaking through chocked sobs as my mum finally re entered the room and tried to calm me. Her comforting arms soothing me, holding me as I cried myself to sleep, the first of many tears filled sleeps.

I hobbled along the school corridor, my crutches uncomfortable under my arms as I tried to support myself. It was my first day back after a month away. My recovery was going well but not well enough. I hated the god damn crutches but without the obstruction I was in agony. Like someone was kicking my knee over and over. My knee throbbed as I tried to get into my locker one handed, balancing on my good leg.

 _"_ _Ergh!"_

 _"_ _Hey Kono" Maya called as she joined Kono._

I remember looking round and seeing Maya, a sense of relief at seeing my best friend. Maya came to see me in hospital Ben…

 _"_ _Hey"_

 _"_ _Let me help you"_

 _"_ _I don't want help"…how relatable this would become…_

 _"_ _Well i'm going to help you…hop along"_

 _"_ _Thanks"_

 _"_ _You know babe, I'm here for you, I cant imagine how you must be feeling, to have to go through all this with your knee and then everything with Ben"_

I remember feeling confused and a sense of unease overcoming me…it felt like all eyes were suddenly on me, like everyone in the corridor had turned and stopped to stare and make me look the fool.

 _"_ _Ben?"_

 _"_ _Yeah…"_

 _"_ _I broke up with me"_

 _Mayas face was full of pitty, she knew more that I clearly didn't._

 _"_ _Is that all he's said?"_

 _My stomach dropped and I felt sick_

 _"_ _What Maya?"_

 _"_ _Maybe…"_

 _"_ _Maya!"_

 _"_ _He slept with Louise, after your accident"_

It was like the accident happened all over again. The world falling down on me. Finding out the guy I had called my best friend for so long and shared so many memories with had dropped me for a girl I considered to be a friend. Was I not good enough for you Ben. Could you wait no longer. I would give you what you wanted so you got it elsewhere. I remember leaving Maya standing there as I hopped towards your class, the bell ringing and other students bumping into me, shoving me out the way but I persisted. I wanted to hear it from you.

 _"_ _Ben!"_

Looking back maybe it wasn't the best idea to scream your name down the corridor. Of course everyone would look.

 _"_ _Kono not now!" Ben's begging was venomous as you whispered into my ear._

 _"_ _Yes now…is it true?"_

 _"_ _Kono"_

 _"_ _Ben..did you seep with Louise?"_

I remember how scared you looked, the guilt washing over your face.

 _"_ _Yes"_

My breath hitched when you said it. I almost needed to hear it again to believe you. I didn't want it to be true.

 _"_ _Why" Kono's voice cracked as she spoke._

You pulled me to the side, the audience around us disappearing, they had heard enough to start the gossip. You leant towards me, looking me in the eye.

 _"_ _I got bored…you were boring Kono, I didn't want you anymore, I haven't for a long time"_

I left school early that day and went straight to the beach. It's my sanction, my inner peace. Despite what happened it was my safe place. I was broken and hurt, embarrassed. I heard people whispering as I left, my phone was blowing up with messages. You had broken my heart Ben. People were talking, you had been talking. Telling people I wasn't good enough, making a mockery of me. I was in pain, I was suffering and you made it worse.

 _"_ _Kono?"_

I looked behind me at the unfamiliar voice. The sun hid your face as you stepped forward but I recognised you.

 _"_ _Adam?"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two - Louise Knox**

If your reading this your probably wandering why Adam Noshimuri stopped to talk to me that day. An unlikely source, but what I needed. If anything, he is the only person keeping me together, even if he doesn't realise. He sat with me that afternoon…but first Louise, let's talk about you.

You were my friend from gym class. The only other girl that got off up her arse and joined in, not like the rest of them who sat moaning about a chipped nail,or having to tie there fake hair back. We bonded. Maybe we weren't best friend close, you had your circle of friends and I had mine but we were still friends. Or so I thought. I thought you had my back. You always supported me and Ben, said we were perfect for each other. But you did this to me. You stabbed me in the back.

 _"_ _Kono please i'm sorry" Louise tried as she followed Kono to class._

 _Kono wanted to get out of her reach but the crutches stopped her moving fast enough._

 _"_ _Don't talk to me Louise"_

 _"_ _Kono it just happened, we started talking more…he wasn't happy…."_

 _"_ _Because of me, he wasn't happy because of me…he didn't want to be with me and instead of telling him to grow a pair and tell me or to work on it or just talk to me you jumped in there and got to him." Kono snapped angrily._

 _"_ _It wasn't like that"_

 _"_ _Tell me then, tell me what you were thinking?"_

 _"_ _Me and Ben got close, it happens and I could give him what he wanted"_

 _"_ _That's called selling yourself" Kono snapped_

 _"_ _Miss Kalakaua is there a problem here?" Mr Graham asked as he heard the raised voices._

 _Kono looked up, not wanting to cause a scene._

 _"_ _No sir"_

 _"_ _You both need to be in class"_

I remember sitting in that class, the desk over from you in the back right hand corner. We always sat together in math. A mutual hate for it. We used to whisper and talk about gym class, or clothes or what we would have for lunch but today i sat in silence. Feeling betrayed. That didn't stop you though. You wouldn't give up bugging me.

 _"_ _Psst…..psst Kono please"_

 _"_ _I don't want to talk to you"_

 _"_ _Look, Ben didn't know what he wanted, he…"_

 _"_ _Got bored?" Kono snapped in a hushed tone._

 _"_ _Babe…"_

 _"_ _Dont.."_

 _"_ _Kono he didn't want to hurt you by breaking up with you, we just got close and after your accident he didn't know what to do so he came back to mine to chat and it just happened"_

 _"_ _He was talking to you for months while dating me, then he just sleeps with you, theres no excuse and theres no excuse for what you've done Louise. Friends don't do that to each other."_

What you said next…it hurt more than Ben cheating.

 _"_ _Were not really friends though"_

That did it. That broke me. I felt like I had lost so much in such a short space of time. I know that seems crazy. I was sixteen how could I possibly have lost so much. But it felt that way. I lost my career, my boyfriend and my friend. You acted like I had nothing to loose but you don't know how it feels Louise. To have people talking about me. You and Ben had come out on top. The rest of that class I ignored you. I ignored the comments people made under their breath. The balled up notes thrown my way. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

 _"_ _Yo Kalakaua not giving Ben what he wanted, screwed up there!" Reece yelled as he jostled about with his mates._

I remember trying to move as fast as possible down the corridor to the exit. In one day my boyfriend had left me and so had you. I could hear the whispers from everyone as the talked about me. You did nothing. You followed me out that class and walked straight into Ben's arms. You were right about one thing Louise, we weren't really friends.

Adam sat with me, he didn't say much just sat next to me. We looked out to the sea. The breeze picking up and leaving me with goosebumps. I remember him glancing over at me, tugging at his hoodie. I knew he wasn't sure what to do. He was wandering wether to give me his hoodie. He didn't. I know, I know, if only he had handed it over and kept me warm then maybe my story would end here…maybe I would have found my new happy ever after but instead we just sat there in peaceful silence and it was just what I needed.

I went home that night feeling a little better, Adam's unexpected comfort making me feel put together, but when I walked through the front door my mum demanded I sit at the table, her face cold and angry. I did as I was told.

 _"_ _Skipping class Kono"_

 _"_ _Mum…"_

 _"_ _Kono you've been back at school a few hours and you left early!" Nani snapped._

 _"_ _I needed some space"_

 _"_ _Kono you've been off school for a month, I think you've had plenty of space"_

My mum didn't get it, I didn't blame her, I don't blame her. I didn't tell her what was going on. She knew Ben broke up with me, but not the details. I was embarrassed Louise, you made me feel like that. I couldn't be honest with my mum. I wasn't good enough because you were better.

 _"_ _Kono Is it this Ben stuff?"_

 _"_ _Mum I don't want to discuss it"_

 _"_ _You cant skip school because your boyfriend broke up with you. Your going to go through these things, life doesn't revolve around a guy."_

I didn't want me mum to see me cry. She had dealt with my tears through my hospital stay, she didn't need to deal with boy trouble tears. I was so embarrassed to tell my mum that my boyfriend had left me for you…you've know idea though do you, because your the lucky one. Your the one that got yourself the guy! And I was left alone.

 _"_ _I'm sorry"_

 _"_ _Go get your homework done Kono, you can't be falling behind."_

Like I said before, disappointment is far worse than anger and disappointment is exactly how my mum felt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three- Justin Finn**

You were charming and sweet and made my knees go weak. Maybe it was me feeling lonely, maybe i was desperate. Maybe it was some kind of attempt to get back at Ben but whatever it was, you had me. I was hooked, and then you took it all away. This one's for you Justin.

I first saw you at the basketball game. You stood out from the rest, tall handsome and you scored the final shot. I sat with Adam. I don't know if we were friends yet or not, but we sat together then he walked me out to the gates and said goodbye and left. I remember him hesitating, wandering whether to walk me home but i stopped him and said i'd be fine. I waved him bye and went to walk the other way, then you stopped me.

"Hey…hey!"

I turned in surprise, having not heard you approaching. Maybe I had been caught up with Adam, but then again we were just friends. You smiled at me, a light pant from running.

 _"_ _Erm hi"_

 _"_ _I saw you" You sighed._

Kono crooked a brow in confusion.

 _"_ _Erm…"_

"I mean in the game, you kept looking at me"

 _You were cocky._

 _"_ _I was watching the game"_

 _"_ _Hmm nah you were watching me"_

I remember being unable to contain my smile, I was a sucker for a charmer.

 _"_ _Ahmmm" Kono blushed._

 _"_ _Hey, it's cool…I thought you were cute" Justin said with a grin_

Damn it you had a cheeky smile.

 _"_ _Ahm… thanks"_

 _"_ _Wanna hang out sometime…tomorrow maybe?"_

 _"_ _Yeah sure"_

 _"_ _Lemme walk you home"_

I remember going home that night with a smile plastered across my face. I knew my mum had seen you walk me to the door and the roll of her eyes as I walked in made me giggle. I couldn't contain it, there was just something about you.

 _"_ _Who was he?" Nani asked._

 _"_ _A friend"_

 _"_ _Keikei, you can not lie to me" Nani smirked._

 _Kono blushed under her mothers gaze and shuffled on her feet._

 _"_ _He's just a new guy"_

 _"_ _Hmmm"_

 _"_ _We're going to hang out tomorrow…if that's okay"_

 _"_ _As long as your out no later than eleven and you let me know if your eating with us"_

 _"_ _Yes mum"_

 _"_ _Kono…"_

 _"_ _yeah"_

 _"_ _Just remember you've just broken up with Ben, I know you feel hurt but don't jump into something unless your sure"_

 _Kono nodded her head, knowing full well her mum didn't know the whole truth of what she had been going through and feeling. She needed a little happiness._

I went to bed giddy that night. I thought I had maybe turned a corner. It sounds silly but a couple days of bad luck and i felt like everything was crashing down on me.

After school the next day you took me out. We went for food and we chatted happily. It was nice and easy and I didn't feel uncomfortable. You made me feel special. You didn't pressure me into anything, you didn't expect anything. Then you suggested we go for a surf. I hadn't surfed since the accident and I knew it was getting late and my mum wouldn't want me surfing in the dark but I went anyway. I wanted to get back in that water, even if it wasn't competitively. You had a board with you and told me to just strip to my underwear. I remember feeling unsure. It was beginning to feel odd but you somehow made it seem okay. I wasn't uncomfortable in my underwear, I was so used to running about in a bikini but I guess I didn't think of the stigma attached to underwear. You told me you had heard of my accident and career. You told me I was amazing and told me to show you how it was done. I should have stopped there. I should have gone home. But I didn't. I shimmed out my shorts and pulled my top over my head. I stood in my lacy green underwear. It was revealing but I told myself my bikinis were worse. You kissed me and I blushed in shock, then you patted me on the bum and sent me off in the water. You pretended to care and show interest as I surfed. I thought you cared but instead you took pictures of me in my wet underwear and before I could noticed you kissed me and told me how much you liked me. Funny…you never got in your underwear and surfed that evening. I didn't think of that until now.

I walked into the school the next day, the stares were back. Everyone was looking at me, whispering, pointing all because of you Justin. You couldn't help yourself could you. It was all a game. How quickly could you get with a girl at your new school. I felt alienated from my friends, everyone was laughing at me.

 _"_ _Hey Kono" Maya said as she caught up to Kono._

 _"_ _What's going on?" Kono asked nervously._

 _"_ _You've not seen?"_

 _"_ _No Maya what?" Kono almost snapped growing sick of the onslaught of hate towards her._

 _Maybe sighed and pulled out her phone, showing Kono the image._

I remember my heart sinking, a blush rising in my cheeks. It was me. Only clad in wet underwear, my panties borderline see threw, rising up. I wanted to cry. No I was going to cry.

 _"_ _Kono!"_

I ignored her and headed straight to the girls bathroom, locking myself in a cubicle as tears streamed down my face. I had been so stupid. I had revealed myself to a guy I didn't know and he had shown the whole school. I sobbed loudly until I heard the door open. I cried into my sleeve to hide the sobs.

 _"_ _Can you believe Kono Kalakaua would do that"_

 _"_ _She just thinks she looks so amazing when she doesn't"_

 _"_ _She's trying to get popularity because he surfing career failed" Daisy bit._

 _"_ _She doesn't even look good in the picture"_

 _"_ _She's such a slut!"_

 _"_ _She's so boney"_

 _"_ _Yeah but her face is chubby"_

 _"_ _Literally she has no boobs"_

 _"_ _Omg your right!"_

I felt sick at the things the girls were saying. I was crying so hard as they left that I began to choke. I felt alone. I had been stabbed in the back three times in the space of a week. I hiccuped and tried to contain myself. I remember taking deep breathes to try and calm down. I knew I could skip class. I was already late. But I couldn't hide, the school would ring my mum and I'd disappoint her even more. I dried my eyes, I picked up my bag and I walked out of those bathrooms. I walked down that corridor, opened the door to my class, took in the eyes of everyone staring and giggling. I blushed and my heart raced so fast I thought It would beat out my chest. I held back a sob and sat in the back corner. The snickers never leaving. You caused that Justin. You left me feeling like I had voices in my head. Commenting on everything I did. I sat in that classroom, tears stinging my eyes, I felt a tear roll down my cheek…I wiped it away quickly and bowed my head.

 _"_ _Psst"_

How I hadn't noticed you before I don't know. I guess I was distracted. I looks over and you were sat there, your eyes were warm and comforting.

 _"_ _Don't cry…so not worth it"_

You were always just there Adam.


End file.
